I lied
Okay so I lied, it's not like no one else in this deteriorating sewer of a country doesn't.
I promise that there will be more lies coming, but that's a whole different episode.
I axed El Presidente what he thought of the rectum as a whole. I have to let him think he really is the president or he'll come over and start crying and the last time that happened he used up all my kleenex and never bought me any. He said that he'd have the Secret Service drop some off but I never saw any of em. I e-mailed him about this but all he said was that we should save the trees cuz he is, or wishes to be known, as the Environmental President. I dunno about the Environ part but I can testify as to the Mental part. If you take out the VI you get Enron, anyone notice that?
Anyways, I have been thinking about why all products are now fresh-scented or lemony raspberry style. Duckies and Bunnies don't get lemony scented anything. What does the cougar standing in the woods during a springtime thunderstorm smell like? Thats right, he smells like Wet Cougar. He isn't fresh springtime cougar scented is he? He's just wet nappy cougar scented. Maybe if lightning flies up his ass he smells lemony? Hopefully the cops won't smell him cuz they'll track him down, accuse him of attacking Mrs Olsen's Folgers Crystals or he ate someone's petunias and this means he must be killed by cops who like to kill animals. This happens all the time round here...maybe they wouldn't wanna kill shit so much if they was New Fresh Autumn Breeze Scented cops? I dunno anymore, I just like the original stuff.
So President Cutris, you owe me Kleenex, white ones, not that moisturizing cream soaked kind either. Just plain. And none of that damned Impending Summertime Tornado scented crap ...Have the Secret Service just set it in my garage and let me know if you need help tar papering your shack roof, we can tack it on with summer rain flavored cougar droppings...
These lies have been brought to you by Choklit Mountain Trading Post and Auto Spa Of Tokyo, Montana, USA.
I promise that there will be more lies coming, but that's a whole different episode.
I axed El Presidente what he thought of the rectum as a whole. I have to let him think he really is the president or he'll come over and start crying and the last time that happened he used up all my kleenex and never bought me any. He said that he'd have the Secret Service drop some off but I never saw any of em. I e-mailed him about this but all he said was that we should save the trees cuz he is, or wishes to be known, as the Environmental President. I dunno about the Environ part but I can testify as to the Mental part. If you take out the VI you get Enron, anyone notice that?
Anyways, I have been thinking about why all products are now fresh-scented or lemony raspberry style. Duckies and Bunnies don't get lemony scented anything. What does the cougar standing in the woods during a springtime thunderstorm smell like? Thats right, he smells like Wet Cougar. He isn't fresh springtime cougar scented is he? He's just wet nappy cougar scented. Maybe if lightning flies up his ass he smells lemony? Hopefully the cops won't smell him cuz they'll track him down, accuse him of attacking Mrs Olsen's Folgers Crystals or he ate someone's petunias and this means he must be killed by cops who like to kill animals. This happens all the time round here...maybe they wouldn't wanna kill shit so much if they was New Fresh Autumn Breeze Scented cops? I dunno anymore, I just like the original stuff.
So President Cutris, you owe me Kleenex, white ones, not that moisturizing cream soaked kind either. Just plain. And none of that damned Impending Summertime Tornado scented crap ...Have the Secret Service just set it in my garage and let me know if you need help tar papering your shack roof, we can tack it on with summer rain flavored cougar droppings...
These lies have been brought to you by Choklit Mountain Trading Post and Auto Spa Of Tokyo, Montana, USA.
posted by Chump at 1:54 PM
1 Comments:
Cutris here, not sure what you're ranting about as I have my own kleenex in the new, dungeness crab flavor.
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