Interview of the mountain lion that survived last nights tornado
end of Direc TV commercial for chicks gone wild III...
press channel 5 on remote control...Dave Doll, Titanium-alloy weather dork with his 5 billion dollar doppler tornado sniffing radar introduces Jannie Peterson, weather-bimbo who survived last night's tornado by diving into a nearby White Castle and hiding under the onion-bun steamer...cut to Jannie in the woods near Lake Elmo...
Jannie: I am here in Lake Elmo and I am soaking wet and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night either...we are going to chat with a cougar who survived last nights tornado. Mister Cougar, what exactly happened last night?
Cougar: (stops licking his balls and stands up quickly in front of the camera) There was a storm I guess...
Jannie: Did you see any damage? Was there a tornado?
Cougar: My name is John Mellankamp and yes I did see damage.
Jannie: was anyone hurt?
John Cougar Mellenkamp: My best freind Josh, he's a squirrel, he fell out of a tree and died.
Jannie: that's horrible, we are very sorry for your loss, would you show us his corpse?
John Cougar Mellenkamp: Can't, I ate him.
Jannie: That's gross!
John Cougar Mellenkamp: Hey, tornado or no tornado? a cougar gotta eat lady!
...Jannie runs away as the Forrest Lake SWAT team opens fire on the cougar, the cougar dies enroute to Regions Hospital. DNR spokesman reported the cougar was killed because he was a threat to squirrels and Large SUV's on highway 8...
Followup report by Jannie:
Jannie: Yes Dave the cougar known as John was indeed shot by law enforcement and it seems ironic that he survived last night's storm only to eat his best freind and then die in a bloody human ambush. This tragedy is further saddening due to the fact that this cougar was Tropical Mist scented... I, I, I love that scent...
I'm Jannie Peterson, weather bimbo reporting from Lake Elmo.
...start rerun of American Idol episode where Elvis Presley magically reappears and kicks Simon's ass in front of 20 million stupid Americans...
press channel 5 on remote control...Dave Doll, Titanium-alloy weather dork with his 5 billion dollar doppler tornado sniffing radar introduces Jannie Peterson, weather-bimbo who survived last night's tornado by diving into a nearby White Castle and hiding under the onion-bun steamer...cut to Jannie in the woods near Lake Elmo...
Jannie: I am here in Lake Elmo and I am soaking wet and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night either...we are going to chat with a cougar who survived last nights tornado. Mister Cougar, what exactly happened last night?
Cougar: (stops licking his balls and stands up quickly in front of the camera) There was a storm I guess...
Jannie: Did you see any damage? Was there a tornado?
Cougar: My name is John Mellankamp and yes I did see damage.
Jannie: was anyone hurt?
John Cougar Mellenkamp: My best freind Josh, he's a squirrel, he fell out of a tree and died.
Jannie: that's horrible, we are very sorry for your loss, would you show us his corpse?
John Cougar Mellenkamp: Can't, I ate him.
Jannie: That's gross!
John Cougar Mellenkamp: Hey, tornado or no tornado? a cougar gotta eat lady!
...Jannie runs away as the Forrest Lake SWAT team opens fire on the cougar, the cougar dies enroute to Regions Hospital. DNR spokesman reported the cougar was killed because he was a threat to squirrels and Large SUV's on highway 8...
Followup report by Jannie:
Jannie: Yes Dave the cougar known as John was indeed shot by law enforcement and it seems ironic that he survived last night's storm only to eat his best freind and then die in a bloody human ambush. This tragedy is further saddening due to the fact that this cougar was Tropical Mist scented...
I'm Jannie Peterson, weather bimbo reporting from Lake Elmo.
...start rerun of American Idol episode where Elvis Presley magically reappears and kicks Simon's ass in front of 20 million stupid Americans...
posted by Chump at 9:12 AM
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